In this episode, Elisabeth Ivey explores her personal experience with doubt, deconstruction, and faith.
“I was five years old when I first became a Christian. I say first because I would go on to try praying the same prayer countless more times, never sure if I’d done it right. But the first time, I was a little girl sitting in Sunday school and listening to the story of Paul. The class was set up in in a circle of chairs and we all learned about a man who used to go around looking for Christians, trying to hurt them. There in my seat, I worried and wondered if that man was still alive and hunting me down even as I sat there.
Some emotion must’ve shown on my face because one of my teachers leaned down to whisper in my ear.
‘Do you want to become a Christian?’
After what I just heard, I don’t know why I said “yes,” but I soon found myself out in the hall and repeating a prayer of salvation…”
Elisabeth Ivey is a writer, proofreader, and editor. Her work has appeared in the Porch Magazine, Sojourners, and Gaze Journal. She was raised Non-Denominational and is now in a process of deconstruction. When she’s not writing or deconstructing faith, she can be found exploring her identity as a woman of color or daydreaming about fictional worlds. Read her full essay here.